Week 8 – A Return to Unconditional Love
Most people can love easily when there’s loving condition. But the key to deliberate creating is to love whether there’s good condition or not. Edward Muhammad.
Last week we discussed how to leverage expectation to serve the happiness you desire. This week as sort of a continuation of that discussion, we want to talk about unconditional loving, unconditional happiness, as the basis of a successful relationship.
We all have some basic, subjective understanding of the meaning of ‘love’ like:
- To love someone else means letting go.
- To love someone means you care about that person’s feelings.
- To love means sacrificing, compromising, etc.
- The kind of love with no strings attached. No expectations.
- The kind of love that doesn’t need to hear ‘I love you too’ in return.
- The kind of love that is not taken away when we mess up.
- The kind of love that isn’t dependent on optimal circumstances or conditions.
However, not many of us have experienced real ‘unconditional love’.
Do you need conditions to change or to be favorable to be happy? Does your mate have to do certain things, behave in a certain way for you to be happy in order for you to love them?
How easy is it to love someone who is lovable, someone who is doing that which pleases you? But when you are able to love that someone who is doing those things that do not please you, you have truly discovered a new level of freedom. My cousin stated last week, “The irony of all this is when we release expectations we have of others, our happiness begins to expand.”
Here’s what I’ve learned along my journey: I desired a loving relationship, but I also wanted my freedom. I wanted to be free. Relationships always felt like bondage to me. As I am learning to love unconditionally, and to be unconditionally happy, I found the freedom I’ve been seeking. You see, what I discovered was that releasing expectations and deciding to just give love, was liberating. Because when I did that I no longer felt governed by the expectations of anyone, or needed the conditions to be in a pleasurable manner, and likewise the people no longer feel governed by my conditions/expectations.
When the way you feel is controlled by a condition, you can never influence a change in the condition. But when you are able to control how you feel despite the condition, then you have the power to influence change in that condition. Strange paradox.
If you can exercise the power of ignoring the unwanted condition and let your response to something you’re observing be one of joy or what you DESIRE the circumstance to be, the condition has to adhere or acquiesce to your response. The reason most of us continue to get the same ole responses from the Universe is because we keep producing the same ole responses from what we’re observing. So your mate does something you don’t like, you respond to that behavior based on what you see that you don’t want (instead of focusing on what you do want), and the Universe responds in kind.
Now certainly, when someone does something kind like gives you a bouquet of roses or cooks your favorite meal just for you, it feels good as it should and you respond accordingly. But the trick is not to become DEPENDENT on the condition to feel good.
Unconditional love is freedom!
Unconditional love means – you love despite the conditions. Likewise unconditional happiness means just as it also implies – you’re happy despite the conditions. When we can master the intention of being happy despite any condition, we’ve become masters of our destinies.
You never again have to wait for the other person to do something that pleases you in order to feel good! You can choose to love them because you are Love and you are Free to love regardless. You can do this regardless of whether the other person will ever return your love or not. You don’t have to do it for them. Do it for you! Do it for yourself. Love for the sake of loving. Love for the feeling of how it feels. Relinquish the fear of feeling vulnerable. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO LOOSE! And everything to gain. Have you ever given a gift or better yet given yourself with no expectation in return? Can you remember how it felt? There is intrinsic value in that. There’s an old adage that supports it: “It’s better to give than to receive.”
So do you have the power to not be disappointed right in the middle of a disappointing circumstance? If your disappointment or pleasure is contingent on a condition, then you will probably be disappointed quite a bit.
What unconditional love also equates to is, unconditional alignment. These two are one and the same. Unconditional alignment means being able to deliberately tune your own frequency, and adjust your own vibration, without needing any condition to change. Unconditional alignment means you are able to align or realign to your Source of well-being despite what your lover is doing, the way your children are acting, the way your boss is behaving, etc. You are independent and free from having to have anyone or anything to be any other way than the way it is.
We want you to be able to embrace your highs and your “lows” and be able to feel good about BOTH your positive and negative emotions. This is unconditional loving and living. You can’t control conditions, but you can control your alignment despite the conditions. So the choices are: I can’t control the conditions and be in misery or I can’t control the conditions and be in joy. Either way you have zero control over the conditions and all the control of your alignment which, ironically will affect the condition.
I stated earlier, the only way to achieve the conditions that we think we need to have a HAPPY LIFE, is to NOT care so much about the conditions, that it seems we should care so much about, and care more about the HAPPY LIFE. We’re going about it backwards as it seems.
Be unconditional in your flowing of positive energy and love, and allow those who you interact with to receive it and respond to it, and utilize it in whatever way they choose.