Week 6 – Relationships, the Real Purpose
This is February; the month of “love” we, in American culture celebrate Valentine’s Day. A day that is committed to showing your special sweetheart how much you love them. And in that spirit of love, we are dedicating this entire month to a Conversation About Relationships.
What is the purpose of a relationship? Any relationship? Is there a purpose? Are we in relationships to make each other happy? Are they designed for companionship procreation? Or should we be learning from and teaching one another? Are we with each other to simply walk this journey together and share life experiences? Some people choose to be in relationships to avoid loneliness. Some seek sex. While others enter to relationships strictly for the financial advantages they think the relationship will bring. These are just a few of the areas we will discuss this month.
We all grow up with a preconceived idea of love, romantic relationships, and how relationships are supposed to be in general. We start with the first example of our own parents, which will often dictate our idea of a “relationship” and what it’s supposed to be. If the example was positive, we were fortunate, it will be easier for us, but if the example was pretty negative (fights, mistreatment, one or both parents being unhappy, OR single parent with no consistent in-home relationship to model after), a great number of people will keep this idea in mind; this deep belief of dysfunction, and will most likely duplicate it in their own lives and relationships.
The idea of meeting the ideal mate, falling in love, and living happily ever after seems to be what most of us are seeking. How do we know this? Just look at all the dating agencies, the ever increasing dating reality television programs, and the countless numbers if books that are available on how to obtain and maintain the perfect relationship.
Many relationships are based on ideals similar to what’s mentioned above among other scenarios. Let us begin with dismantling some relationship misconceptions.
Misconception #1: You are responsible for my happiness in this relationship. Most of us I think, would agree that for the most part we believe our mate is supposed to burden some level of responsibility in making us happy, fulfilling our needs, giving us their undivided attention 24/7, ect. You must do something or act in a particular way for me to be happy. It’s not your job to make your mate happy or vice versa. It’s your job to figure how to make yourself happy and keep yourself in alignment.
Misconception #2: Relationships are work. Relationships are hard. They are meant to be a struggle. This a misconception. The fact is, relationships are indeed hard. But they don’t have to be. We make them harder than they ever should be due to our focused attention on the other person and not ourselves. We place the burden change on our mate, never realizing that your mate is merely reflecting back, provide a mirror to the vibration you hold within yourself. Each relationship is the perfect reflection of the vibration we hold. Each relationship is the perfect reflection of what we think about ourselves and/or how we view the world. Each relationship is the perfect reflection of our amount of self-love. And each relationship is the perfect relationship for what we need to understand more about ourselves at that particular moment in time.
Misconception #3: Relationships are designed to complete us and make us whole. Men often refer to their wives as their “better half” as an acknowledgment to the fact that they’re not fully complete without their mate. It’s not the getting of love from another than fills and completes, but rather learning to connect with your Source of love – filling yourself with love to share with another or others. NO OTHER PERSON CAN EVER TRULY COMPLETE YOU! This feeling of safeness, security, and fulfillment only truly comes from within YOU.
Haven’t you noticed how each relationship you experience oftentimes brings the deepest wounds and sometimes the darkest sides to the surface? Haven’t you noticed how each relationship, we we’re paying attention, teaches us infinitely about ourselves, more than any book or teacher can do?
So what’s the purpose of a relationship? The purpose of each of our relationships is to evolve spirituality. To teach us infinitely about ourselves. To be conscious and acutely aware of transformations occurring within us and adjust to the new expanded version of YOU!