2016 Week 9 – The Framework of Forgiveness
Forgiveness is one of the toughest challenges we face in this life. But did you know the primary blocker to forgiveness has nothing to do with the act of another but everything to do with yourself?
This week I found myself infuriated with a person from work. It all stemmed from something that I look at now and qualify as trivial. A difference of opinion. But I interpreted and ingested her comments and her tone as completely disrespectful and in front of others so therefore, my mind went into “attack back mode.”
SIDE NOTE: As my cousin and I continue to write this blog as we have over the past year and 3 months, full of advice, best practices of life and teachings there are two things I really want to convey to our audience…1) neither he nor I are emotionally immune to life as it happens and 2) we all learn by teaching. And this blog has provided us an avenue to teach and learn at the same time. And for that, we are forever grateful.
I could feel my blood pressure rise. We got into the car with the other people and I launched back at her to “put her in her place” so to speak. Then when we all got to dinner, I proceeded to completely ignore her and talk over her whenever she tried to speak or join in the conversation. I woke up the next morning feeling the same. I was MAD! And I was aware that I was mad. And being aware of your emotion is the first step to understanding the Framework of Forgiveness.
Enlightenment is about complete awareness. In this situation, as it was happening, I was caught up in the “story” my ego was creating and sharing with my consciousness. My ego was weaving a story of what all of this meant…”she disrespected you! She won’t get away with THAT! You show her who’s boss! Strike back to assert your authority!” The ego will always feed the need to be “right” in any situation. So as I prepare to start my day and head back to southern California with this person, I reflect on how I truly FEEL. And what I desire to FEEL. The framework of my forgiveness actually has nothing to do with HER but everything to do with ME. Therefore, the second step to understanding the Framework of Forgiveness is to check your ego and humble your spirit.
Humbling your spirit does not make you a doormat. Humbling your spirit does not make you weak. Humbling your spirit does not make the other person “right” and you “wrong.” Humbling your spirit creates a path of allowance. As we’ve stated before, there is only resistance and allowance. When we are angry, upset, infuriated…all of our cells, organs and tissue becomes restricted. This is why our blood pressure rises. Because we are restricting ourselves. Now imagine humbling your spirit and allowing yourself to breathe easy. You immediately feel an opening of flow. This is allowance. When we understand what we DESIRE to feel and want to manifest that desire of emotion, we must create a path of allowance in order for it to flow. Humbling your spirit is the catalyst to that allowance. In that allowance, we now have the ability to create. This is the third step in the Framework of Forgiveness. Creation.
Create what? Create what you desire to have happen next. Creation can only be realized when it is born out of a loving space. The love you want to experience has nothing to do with the person who made you angry but the love you have for yourself and the authentic desire to be in harmony with yourself. Don’t be confused to take this as the passive aggressive approach to the situation. “I’m just gonna love ME and ignore her.” No. Love to say, “I desire a harmonious relationship with this person because that is what is most healthy for ME.” Create that space. Envision that space. Expect that space. This is you loving yourself and desiring the best for your own well-being. I once read something that said, “holding onto your anger against another person is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” So LOVE yourself enough to release the limiting story your ego is creating. YOU have the power to create the best space that makes you the happiest. But it must be created from a space of love for not only yourself but for that other person and life in general. If harmony is what you desire to create, then you must also embrace harmony as an expectation inclusive of all things. THAT’S what “harmony” is.
So to reiterate…there are three steps to the Framework of Forgiveness:
- Be Aware of Your Emotion.
Analyze what you feel. Why do you feel that way? Expose it all. Go into detail about what you feel and why you feel that way without judgment of yourself or the other person or people.
- Check Your Ego and Humble Your Spirit.
Your ego is equivalent to a bully. The bully wants to intimidate you and make you THINK something is, that it is not. When you stand up to the bully, the bully shrinks back into the insecurity from which it came. Your ego is forever frightened of being exposed. This is why it creates stories to justify its existence. Put your ego in it’s place. The authentic power you possess is in your spirit. Your soul. So be in touch with THAT instead of being in touch with your ego.
Once you have acknowledged and embraced your full emotion, understanding WHY you feel the way you do, then putting that emotion into context of your ego and your spirit, now you can create a space of allowance or flow. Create what your expectations are. When understanding the Framework of Forgiveness, you have the authority to create a harmonious space because you are no longer restricted. You have seen the issue, embraced your emotion, checked your ego, humbled your spirit and now you’re ready to create a brand new space that feels WONDERFULLY blissful to YOU.
Practicing these steps will offer you the best road to peace, happiness and tranquility. Because the Framework of Forgiveness actually has little to do with the other person but everything to do with how you feel and how you DESIRE to feel.